In the Wild we did not have a system of government, but as usual, we had to get creative.
I had promised to tell you a story today about my arch nemesis Wily Man, but have not been able to finish it, so to make up for it I am releasing this new video today, this video is a shameless attempt to gain more hits by using a famous person’s name. I would, however, definitely plug my blog on his show if asked.
In this video Wild Man has a strange and somewhat disturbing conversation with a man who has not even been given a name.
This is the first WIld Man and Sir Edmund short. In this video Wild Man gives Sir Edmund some very important information.
This is for everyone who has been struggling with the Peyton Manning situation.
In case you are really bummed that Labor day is over I have created a special Labor Day edition of Out from the Wild...and posted on a Tuesday! It is like Labor day is lasting for two days.
The newest video short is "Wild Man and Ivan." Meet Ivan, he struggles to master the English language and express his deep love of sports figures that everyone else has forgotten about.
Wild Man turns off a lamp to Mozart and forgets he has hands, then he remembers...followed by a history lesson that isn't true. This week I have given you a bonus edition. Two video shorts.
Here is the long anticipated debut of Wild Man and Uncle Bill. In this short Wild Man has a bad attitude because he has to sit next to Uncle Bill.
This is an interview of Uncle Bill. He is very clearly disagreeable and I apologize in advance for whatever he says. I wanted to release it to you so that you will be introduced (perhaps warned is the better term) to Uncle Bill. I suppose you might as well find out sooner rather than later (Although I would much rather it be later, for your sake and mine, not so much for Uncle Bill's sake because I don't care about his sake.). This Monday (actually it will be Sunday this week because Wild Man will be out of town on Monday) I will be releasing the first edition of "Wild Man and Uncle Bill."
I will also be sharing in a written post with you about how I negotiated peace in the Cuban Missile crisis and received the Nobel Peace prize.
The New Media
I am Wild Man, and if you take time to look at my profile you will see that my life has undergone many changes. I want to urge you to see my friends, watch my videos, and check me out on twitter. I have decided it is time for Wild Man to take full advantage of this thing known as "The New Media." When I first jumped onto the pop culture scene in the 1950's the new media was television, in the 60's it was drugs, in the 90's it was Jerry Springer, and in the Aughts it was the internet. The new media is now Netflix, Facebook, YouTube, twitter (Incidentally I actually invented something very similar to twitter back in the early 80's, except I called it "tweeter" and people left "twits." For some reason that name didn't catch on as well. It may have also been hampered by the fact that the internet wasn't invented yet.) The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, Hulu+, The Red Zone Channel, Disk Golf courses, iphones, Google etc. The point is "The New Media" is all these diverse things put together. To call the internet the new media would be akin to calling the Guttenberg Press "The New Media" when we had Newspapers, Encyclopedias (now that is a resource, it was basically like someone printed off the entire internet and put it in a book.) Hallmark Cards (before people could encourage each other simply by “liking” their attention seeking Facebook posts, they had to go to a store and buy them a card.) Phonebooks (That was kind of like they printed off Facebook, took out all the personal info, pictures, statuses, and then delivered sections of it to all the houses of America.) and phone booths. Well, phone booths did not have much to do with the Guttenberg press. Back in the day instead of keeping our cell phones in our pockets, they built little structures to keep them in and then attached the cell phones to the wall so you couldn't take them anywhere. The main reason they did this was to make phone calls more dramatic in the movies and to give Superman a place to change his clothes. Now days Superman has to change in the men's restroom. Which is a big reason why Superman movies are not as popular as they once were.
Modern Man's Advantages (How twitter and disc golf would give modern man a leg up if thrown into an Alfred Hitchcock movie.)
Now you may think I am an old fogey talking about how much things have changed. Not so. You will notice that I still look as youthful as ever. This is true physically and cognitively. I embrace the new changes seamlessly. In fact just last night I was watching Alfred Hitchcock’s “North by Northwest” starring Cary Grant (not because I only watch old movies, but it was on TV and it came out not too long after I left the forest so I am somewhat nostalgic for that era, despite the fact that in these movies “making out” consists of two people smashing their faces against each other and holding them there for a second or two, and an annoying tendency to ruin every dramatic moment by playing garish dated orchestra music.) and couldn’t help but notice that we have evolved several important tools in the last half a century. There is one scene in particular where this is obvious. Cary Grant’s character is an everyman that by a list of madcap circumstances is compelled to work as a spy, but he lacks training. He has to warn the leading lady (played by Eva Marie Saint) that the gangsters she is pretending to work for have figured out she is actually a double agent for the government. He has climbed up the wall of a giant house the gangsters have built on the back side of Mt. Rushmore (because who would ever look for a house there?) and is in Eva Mari’s upstairs room, but the problem is that Eva Marie is downstairs with the gangsters getting ready to fly with them to South America and she does not know the gangsters have discovered she is a double agent and plan to throw her out of the plain once they are in the air (it was a very sordid situation.) Obviously Cary Grant has to figure out how to notify Eva Marie without the gangsters seeing him. He grabs a pack of matches and has to write a short note to her. He writes, “They are on to you, I am in your room.” Now here we see an obvious advantage to modern man. First of all he would probably just send her a text, but for the sake of argument let’s assume he does not have his phone or that reception is very spotty on the backside of Mt. Rushmore. Let’s say that he does indeed need to write her a note. Today’s man is much more equipped thanks to his continued practice on texting and twitter to not only write the note in 180 characters or less but to fit in all the important information and an element of wit, thus impressing the lady. Notice the lack of creativity in Grant’s note, “They are on to you, I am in your room.” A man today would never let an opportunity such as this go by without saving the girl, letting her know what a funny fellow he is, and probably slipping in a pickup line. There are so many better notes that could have been written:
“Thy r on2u Im in yo rm, how bout adate?”
“Thy no ur dble agnt. Cme be my dble agnt. Im n yo rm. lol”
“Skny man at yur 10oclk has obvius zit. less obvius is tht he nos ur dble agnt. +less obvius is im in yo rm.”
All of these options convey the same message but say so much more in a similar amount of characters, and believe me the lady will find them much more impressive.
In the next part of the scene we are once again faced our current superiority. Now that the note is written Cary Grant has to figure out a way to get it to her. The obvious way is to throw it down the stairs right by her feet. This is a tricky proposition because if it veers anywhere other than her feet and hits one of the gangsters, not only will she be made out, but so will he. They will both be doomed. Grant pumps his arm a couple times for practice and then throws the matches in a Frisbee motion and it lands out of her reach. By an act that must have involved divine intervention one of the gangsters sees the matches on the floor, but did not notice that they magically flew down from the upstairs. He picks up the matches and tosses them into a dish on the coffee table in front of Eva Marie. Eva Marie recognizes that the matches have Cary Grant’s initials, and she opens it up to see the note. Then she pulls the very clutch move of telling the gangsters that she is missing an ear ring and has to go to her room.
Now obviously this worked out for them, but today we could rest on our athletic ability rather than one of the gangsters apparently being a neat freak, but not very perceptive. The last ten years has seen an explosion in disc golf courses. Nearly every city park in America either has one or is getting one it seems. This leads to us being much more proficient with our throwing ability. In fact today’s man wouldn’t even need to expose himself by walking over to the stairs and throwing the matches. He could stand behind the wall and curve the matches over the staircase and plop them right by her feet. Perhaps not all men would have this kind of proficiency, but I venture to say they would have an enormous advantage at actually getting the matches within her reach compared to a man in 1959. For the sake of fairness, the 50’s man was more likely to have matches in his pocket because they all smoked, but he was also increasing his risk of cancer, so who really has the last laugh there? The 50’s man also was much more likely to carry a pen at all times and be optimistic for the future.
If you are dying to know how the movie ends, Cary Grant and Eva Marie make the natural decision to flee from the gangsters by climbing down the faces of Mt. Rushmore (what else could they have done?) The gangsters set in hot pursuit by also climbing over the front of Mt. Rushmore shooting wildly at them (because that definitely gave them better odds of catching them versus going around to the bottom of the mountain and waiting for them.). The movie ends by an FBI sniper shooting the last gangster right as he is about to throw Grant and Marie down the cliff. The final conclusion was that as cool as it sounds, anytime a movie ends with a gun chase over the faces of Mt. Rushmore it will invariably seem hokey. At least I made that conclusion. Perhaps the coolest thing about the movie was that the gangsters fortress was built with stones that look very similar to those in my house, which helps to confirm my suspicion that it was built as a set for an Alfred Hitchcock movie.
Wild Man thinks there is a strong possibility his house was built as a set for an Alfred Hitchcock movie