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Wild Man’s Photo Gallery

Wild Man working on his mating dance. There were not a lot of females in the wild, so he had to be prepared to capitalize.

Despite his harsh isolation Wild Man's dreams were full of hope. Here he was dreaming about becoming the first President to play chubby bunny, give his inaugural address, and fill the nation with hope for the future all at the same time.

 

Despite living in the forest, Wild Man and his friends still pulled all the typical childhood pranks on each other. This was the result of a dare. They didn't have mailboxes or metal fence posts out in the forest so his friends had him lick the frozen lake. Which did not make for near as good a dare because your tongue does not get stuck to ice, it is just kind of refreshing.

 

This was a rare reported "Wild Man sighting." Two backpackers returned from a trip to the deep forest where there had been legends of a “Wild Man.” After developing their film they were stunned to see this leaping figure. The skeptics were still skeptical asking, “Why is it that all the photos of ‘Wild Man’ are always so fuzzy?” The backpackers pointed out that the picture was not actually all that blurry.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

When spring broke Wild Man would rush down to to the river to get his first taste of running water in 36 months. Winters were very long in the forest.

 

Wild Man was an expert skier. Since he did not have things like video games and Netflix skiing was often his primary diversion. One day he got up and skied to the North Pole and back in one day fueled by nothing but sheer determination, the indomitable American spirit, and java beans.

In his childhood Wild Man would beat on his cheeks as a percussion instrument. The adults made him sit and do this because they wanted to dance the night away and hadn't invented Pandora yet. While this experience left him emotionally scarred he does credit it with giving him his incredibly tight cheek muscles.

 

Wild Man at therapy. This picture was taken just after his therapist had told him he was not allowed to eat fudgesicles during their sessions.

On the right was Wild Man's childhood home. On the left were his next door neighbors the Fidos. Mr. Fido was not a good builder, so he put his roof on the bottom. Because of this his family was ridiculed by the entire community, but his kids grew up to become great embittered artists so they got the last laugh.

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Wild Man on his journey. This picture is a metaphor for life.

Anything could be around that bend. Unfortunatley for Wild Man it was more miles of endless forest and not the Tom Petty concert he was looking for.

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